I'll bet that caught your attention… (Flickr: Markusram)

If you say the words “German” and “fetish” to people in English-speaking countries, they tend to think immediately of lederhosen. The more dirty-minded amongst them might then make some kind of joke involving sausages, and those who watched pornography or “South Park” as teenagers will probably start talking about stuff that really isn’t fit to be published at this web-address. Anyone who has lived in Germany long enough, though, will tell you immediately what the biggest and most widespread German fetish is.

Its primary materials are not leather, not even PVC, but bricks, stone and mortar. Its practitioners don’t wear red lipstick and high-heels, but have a penchant for wrought iron and decorative stucco. Oh, and did I mention that this fetish is carried on in broad daylight on residential streets across Germany?

“You aren’t a student are you?” the realtor wanted to know.

“No, I’m a teacher.”

“Good, because students don’t have a chance.”  He laughed, picking out several application forms for the apartment and tossing them into the trash.

I was sitting at the kitchen table of yet another apartment.  But this time I was done with WGs.  This time I wanted to find a place just for me, two rooms so I wouldn’t have to work in the same room where I slept, a kitchen that made me want to always be cooking, my own bathroom, reasonably priced, in Frankfurt. (Who I was kidding?)