Learning German: Minding Your Dus and Sies
Nothing can complicate a conversation like a foreign language. Photo (cc) flickr user julien ‘
“Are we using du or Sie?” A woman leaned over to me to ask this question this morning in an exercise class. “Du,” I answered. There was nothing remarkable about the exchange, and afterwards that woman used the information to address the teacher. But still, every time it happens, every time the concept of du vs Sie gets brought up in conversation here I am reminded that I live in Germany. It’s one of those little differences that has not faded into the background of my life.
The du versus Sie issue is one of great importance to anyone learning the German language for the first time. First you have to learn when to use them, and then you have to learn how to conjugate them. Neither is a simple task.
The short answer to the question “when do I use which form of you?” (as du is a formal, singular version of the English word “you,” while Sie is a plural formal version of the same) is that you use du in informal situations and Sie in formal situations. But what does that mean? What is formal and what is not varies hugely from person to person. Some people Siezt their bosses after 20 years of working together. Some offices have an all-du policy.
I belong to the category of people who use du pretty much all the time. It’s not that I can’t speak using the word Sie, it’s just that I don’t see the need for all that formality. Apparently, there’s even a name for this: Radikal Duzen. It gets me by just fine, and, to my knowledge, I’ve never offended anyone using it.
Kids are supposed to use Sie on adults, yet adults are allowed to use du on kids. When you’ve just met someone and instead of introducing him or herself as Mr. or Mrs. So-and-so, gives you his or her first name, this is code for “you can now use du with me.”
And what about at the store? You can generally duzt the woman at the checkout counter in the supermarket or the man at the electronics store without offending him or her. But most people wouldn’t, and someone working at a store will most certainly use Sie on you if you haven’t dropped the du-bomb first. Some people will use Sie to insult you (as in a close friend giving you the cold shoulder) and some people will use du to insult you (refusing to give you the more respectful title). It’s a complicated world of due and Sies out there, and there’s nothing for it but experience.
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Hi – that’s the best description I’ve ever heard of
It really really fits. I mean we are sometimes joking by saying “you can say you to me” 
I would preferably go for a polite Sie on foreign people but I would use (an also polite) Du on people I know.
There is no really “exact” way – some people are very “personal” with their new boss and use Du – but most of them are using the Sie as it IS their boss
good job
No, no, no. You can not use du for salespeople in a store! I suppose you have a strong accent and germans find that your german is not good enough! Grown ups should use Sie for all people they do not know. There are few exeptions, for example, if you belong to the same social group: if you are young, if you are a worker at a company and meet other workers in the same position, if you are at a private party, when you are introduced to a person with his first name. In all other cases you should use Sie until the older of you offers the Du. Once, a collegue met the CFO of our company playing music together for a mass in a church. He offered the Du to him, but he refused. One unfriendly answer to a unwanted Du is: Hey, did we tend pigs together?
It’s a misconception that you somehow need to guess the situation you’re in to decide which form to use.
“Sie” is usually the polite way to adress people. Not using “Sie” with strangers is very impolite. Exceptions are only adressing children and young people (< 20 – 25) adressing other young people.
As a rule of thumb, always use "Sie" until told otherwise (offered the "Du").
In business situations only the boss or senior colleage should offer the "Du" but they might never do that.
If you feel friendly with somebody and think the other one might feel the same, you can offer the "Du" yourself.
As a foreigner it’s OK to say “du”, because most German people expect that you don’t do it with bad intentions. But the polite way is “Sie”. Saying “du” is usually common while talking to
- friends
- family members
- children (under 18 years)
That’s it. If an adult doesn’t offer the “du”, “Sie” is always the better choice. No one would rip your head off for using “du”, but you don’t have to make the mistake, if you know it already. There are some exceptions, but you won’t do anything wrong by sticking to “Sie”.
It’s ok, maybe you misunderstood, but it’s not true that being “offered” the first name connotes a du-relationship. There is such a thing as first name with “Sie”. Make sure that the other person wants to be duzt by you. I agree with the others that you are getting away with it because you are an Ausländer.
Marcel: It is quite true–the preferences for du and Sie use are quite personal.
mike60: Yes, many people hold the same opinion as you about using Sie and du, and if you want to be extra polite, then it is good to be extra careful. But you will find that “Radikal dutzen” is a term for a (though I suspect still largely minority) group of Germans and German speakers, generally from younger generations, who are looking to change the way these formal yous are used. I do use Sie often enough, particularly when someone signals that they refuse my “du” and at work. But there is wiggle room in there, quite a bit.
Jenny: It is true that for some people offering the first name doesn’t constitute a du relationship. Where I work is one good example. However, there are a lot of Germans who take the same stance that I do, I fact taking to Germans about this is what turned me into a Radikal duzer! Also, I can assure you that most German language textbooks (for those learning German as a foreign language) explain the first name offering as an offering of du. Might be time for them to change that!