After last week’s excursion into the pitfalls of using du and Sie, it quickly became clear from the number of comments that this is a topic of no small interest both to Germans and learners of the language alike. So I thought I’d give you a bit more on the same theme this week. Don’t say, oh dearest Young Germany readers, that I never do anything for you.

Now, last week I wrote that there is considerable comedic promise in the fact that German has two forms of second-person address: so let’s look at precisely what is so funny about Siezen and Duzen.

Thanks to – unbelievably – Barack Obama on Flickr

Essentially, the principal seam of du/Sie humor lies in a fundamental mismatch of tone: i.e., by using Sie where du would be appropriate, or vice-versa, I am employing the wrong register for the situation in question. And incongruous or misplaced use of words is a major source of hilarity in almost every language. Think of how funny it would be if somebody met the President of the United States and greeted him as follows: “Ayoyoyo Barack, dude, what’s crackin’?” Or of the legendary (and, sadly, legal) status someone would acquire when meeting the Queen of England by slapping her on the back and bellowing “’Allo Lizzy! Y’alright darlin’?!” with a proper London Cockney twang.

So that’s the side-splitting effect that a German would get it somebody were to radikalduzen Angela Merkel, especially if they slanged it up even more with a little “Hallo Angie, na?” Having said that, however, there is, in my opinion, even more comedy gold to be mined going in the other direction: i.e., using Sie to people who you normally address with du, if for no other reason than because you won’t lose your job - or freedom - for doing so.

Essentially, by calling a friend Sie, you’re creating an environment of mock formality that can make even normal comments seem somehow sarcastic or humorous, and into the bargain, you’re taking a swipe at people who really would be so overly serious and prissy as to use Sie – i.e. bosses, presidents, and “them up there” in general.

Lots of Germans are in on this gag, by the way, especially the under 40s, so you can have no small amount of social success by judiciously using the odd out-of-place Sie. Try questioning somebody’s opinion with an overly emphasised Meinen Sie?, for example: “Aber ich denke, er hatte irgendwie keinen Bock,” says your interlocutor, and you reply with arched eyebrows: “Meinen Sie?” The slangy nature of the discussion in general is made even clearer by the sudden interjection of almost parliamentary language: “Yeah, but, you know, I don’t think he could be arsed with it, really,” says one: “Oh really, do you hold that opinion?” says the other.

"Good day to you, good Sir!" (Flickr: psd)

Well, perhaps a better translation would be “Oh really, good Sir, you do hold that opinion?” That’s the closest English can get to saying Sie to a friend. Although in other humorous contexts, English takes “mister” or “madam,” as in “Now you look here, mister…”

Germans have got that pegged, too, by using Herr or Frau to people they know well, saying things like “also, Herr Melican, so geht das ja nicht weiter!” – “Things can’t go on like this, mister!” They are probably simply referring to the fact that I’ve forgotten to fill up their wine glass, but this obviously overly formal language is a way of increasing familiarity and showing a willingness to joke and play around.

"Just call me Frau Flirt!" (Flickr: sergei_zlahtic_serzz)

As such, incongruous use of Herr or Frau, especially in combination with the familiar du form, is a classic flirting technique. After all, it’s the perfect mix between poking fun and nevertheless showing that you find the person concerned attractive. Especially women like using Herr because, as a formal form of address, it’s still got that slight connotation of meeting a sexy stranger, offering a bit of a frisson.

So guys, listen up: if a girl you’ve been introduced to at a party enquires after your second name and then uses it in combination with Herr more than three times, you should ask for her number. Just ask Frank Lehmann, Sven Regener’s classic comedy figure whose entire circle of friends – and a very nice young lady – all take to calling him Herr Lehmann shortly before his 30th birthday.  (Check out the video clip.)

In fact, now that I think about it, Germans in all situations seem to get a real kick out of unexpected greetings or forms of address. I’ve known male colleagues who regularly greet each other with Schätzelein, or “My little treasure,” a rather outmoded term of endearment between couples, of which German has some really quite spectacularly tacky examples: Pfurzi, Schnuckelchen, Hasenpups… In fact, that’s yet another subject for a blog of its own, but I’d need to fast for a few days beforehand to stop myself continuously retching.